冏研究：5种迹象表明你在和自恋狂约会

1. Emotional insecurity

情感缺乏安全感

Narcissists are hugely insecure and react on a hairtrigger to things that average adults simply don’t get upset about. Their over-sensitivity is extreme. 

自恋狂都感到极度不安全，总会对一般人无感的事情引起情绪波动。这种过度敏感非常极端。

When narcissists erupt into a narcissistic rage, their anger is a reaction to a perceived threat to the narcissist’s fragile self-esteem or self-worth. This type of threat is known as ‘narcissistic injury’. 

自恋狂脆弱的自尊受到威胁时，会进入一种自恋式的愤怒。这种威胁称为：“自恋伤害”。

If the narcissist doesn’t receive enough attention in a group setting, he or she may stir up trouble or exit the scene, only to chastise you later and degrade you and anyone else perceived to have stolen the limelight. 

小组活动中如果自恋狂没有得到关注，他们就会挑事，或者之后攻击、侮辱那些得到关注的人。

This insecurity may be so extreme that it provokes incredible jealousy and envy that can’t be assuaged.

这种安全感的缺乏非常极端，可能会引发不可缓解的嫉妒心理。

2. Extreme sense of entitlement

很重的权利意识

A narcissist’s self-absorption, which is an integral part of their inner wiring, means they believe they deserve preferential treatment over and above all others. 

自恋狂的神经系统有一部分叫自我接纳，他们相信自己值得最好的对待。

They will push people’s boundaries without hesitation and go for whatever they can get away with, while their real agenda remains cloaked in charm, flattery and feigned care. 

这种人会毫不犹豫地打破人与人之间的界限，获取任何想要的东西，即使他们的日常往往围绕着看似迷人，实则虚伪的关怀。

The narcissist’s sense of entitlement ranges all the way from normal everyday events such as ‘I’m not listening to your conversation, let alone engaging with you in it to major life decisions such as property settlements and the splitting of assets.

这种权利意识每天都会发生，比如：“我没在听你讲话，更别说要跟你分财产了”。

3. They argue like a five-year-old

他们吵起架来像五岁小孩

Their defence mechanisms range from being subtly manipulative to displays of downright nasty, out-of-bounds behaviour. 

自恋狂的防御机制多种多样，从稍稍较大的控制权到直接表现出恶意、逾界的行为。

These tactics are so common among narcissists and the expressions they use are so consistent word for word that it is almost eerily uncanny; frequently used phrases include refrains such as ‘you didn’t let me finish what I was saying’ and ‘just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear’ and ‘you are the only person I have any problems with’. 

这些技巧太常见了，他们说的话也都奇奇怪怪，老是重复，比如：“你刚才根本没让我说完”“就是因为我没说到你心坎上”“我跟别人都好好的，怎么就跟你吵？”。

4. Pathological lying 

病态谎言

In his or her grandiose self-delusion, a narcissist is covering up a fragile inner identity – and thereby creating and acting out a different script of ‘who’ he or she would like to be. 

在自恋狂狂妄的自我幻想中，他们通常掩盖了内在脆弱的自己，编造、演绎出一个理想中的自己。

A narcissist is likely to lie and brag about accomplishments in his or her past, as well as complain about how poorly they have been treated by those with whom they have had fractured adult relationships – which is usually a gross projection and distortion of what the narcissist has done to others. 

自恋狂会吹嘘过去的成就，抱怨自己在人际关系中得到不公对待——当然所有的事情通常是自恋狂对别人做过的，他们扭曲了事实。

5. Blaming you for their problems 

让你为他们的错背锅

With narcissists, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. As far as they are concerned, your actions will all too often represent a personal affront or even a direct attack, intended to hurt them or undermine them – and they claim this is the reason why your relationship is experiencing problems.

和自恋狂在一块，你做事也会被骂不做也会被骂。做啥都挨骂。对他们来说，你的一举一动都代表着冒犯，甚至是攻击，他们说这一切都是关系出问题的源头。

（翻译：阿忙）